Last night, I was at an incredible power networking and launch event for women in healthcare here in Toronto. Congratulations to #HBAToronto on such a successful kickoff! I did have one thing that troubled me, though. One of the speakers was talking about all the guilt, remorse, and feelings of unworthiness that we sometimes deal with.
Don't get me wrong: we all need to take time to be vulnerable; my friend Anne Day expressed this so well in her Company of Women blog. What we don't need to do, is focus so much energy on what we feel is wrong with us. We can be vulnerable without feeling any of those terrible negative emotions: simply say, "I need help with...". I would also add to this, that experience has shown me that most women have had enough training and conditioning to focus on weaknesses, and we can spend too much time on fixing them. Weak spots don't need us to look at them; indeed, to mend them, we must firmly attach them to something much stronger. So if you have a weak spot you're worried about, instead of spending all your time looking for how to make it "not weak", find a strength you have, that you can use to bridge the thin spot, repair the crack, or patch the hole. You'll find if you repeatedly do this, it will not only repair the weaknesses; your attention to what is strong, whole, and resilient will reinforce those parts of you as well.
I'm Megann Willson and I'm one of the partners in PANOPTIKA. We help clients to see everything and make better decisions. If you're an entrepreneur and you'd like to register for my next Free 5x5 Sharper Focus Business Challenge, go to that tab when you leave here. Put yourself at the front of the line for the Challenge, and other coaching offers we're planning over the next few months. Stay strong!
Have you received advice that starts like this?
“All you need to do”
“You only have to”
Me, too. I also get requests all the time for advice on how to live the life I do – unapologetically mine, in line with my values and priorities. And many of the people who ask those questions, are looking for answers that start with one of those three phrases. What’s the problem with that? Only this: having a great career is no easier than having a bad career. Both are work. Hard work. The good news, is that the work is worth it, if you get to have a rewarding, rich life along the way. And it’s important to realize that every day won’t be sunshine and lollipops.
The truth is, no life is ever easy. We will all have struggles and setbacks. Every overnight success story has many, many steps and stumbles that led to that moment of achievement that everyone gets to see. In the world of the striver, there are always many people watching every wobble along the way…some cheering, some jeering, and some just wondering when they will just give up.
“I wish I could work for myself like you do,” they say. “Then I’d be in control of everything.”
If you’re embarking on a journey with the vision of never being accountable to anyone else, let me let you in on one of life’s big secrets. It’s very likely at some point, that your vision is going come to a screeching halt. (Unless you want to live in a cave, on a mountaintop. In that case, have at it.) You can be the pilot of your own destiny, that much is absolutely certain. However even the most powerful individuals in the world have responsibilities and commitments to others. Most of us want a richer, fuller life, that lets us be more, give more, share more, and enjoy more. We want to have time with our kids, or our partners, or to serve in our communities. We want to be secure in the knowledge that there will be food on the table. And we want to know that we’re able to contribute our best work, every day.
Living the life that you choose means you must make choices about where to invest your time, talent, and resources. That part isn’t a choice. It’s an obligation. To be everything you want, you can’t always do everything you want. Sometimes things won’t go your way. Families, partners, collaborators, and customers all want different things from me, and sometimes all at once. And they will from you, as well. The one thing I’ve learned (and you can, too), is that I must choose how to handle those requests. And I can live with that. Can you?
Megann Willson is one of the Partners at PANOPTIKA, where we help you see everything, so you can make better decisions.
This is a re-blog of Megann's post on LinkedIn this week.
“I believe you.” Have you ever experienced how much of a relief those three words are, when you’re surrounded by doubters? How you might not have even realized how much their negativity was weighing on you? At that moment, you don’t even need the supporter to do something to help the situation. They’ve done enough by simply acknowledging your truth. Many of us have experienced the empowering sensations that those three words can elicit.
What you might not have considered, is that this tiny but powerful message is also a tool you can use, two different ways. The obvious, is when it seems someone close to you is getting a lot of negative pushback on their idea, their opinion, or their statement of a situation. If what they are saying is reasonable, plausible, and they’ve given you no reason in the past to doubt their words, this is a time when you can firm the bonds of your relationship by simply using those three small words. You can do it very publicly, or you can do it quietly. Either way, believing is a valuable gift you can give someone.
The other way you can use “I believe you” is much less common. I recommend you use the statement on yourself. When you know you are right, or you have an important message to deliver, or you’re worried how your truth will be received because it might fly in the face of common practice, get yourself to a mirror. State your case. Look yourself deeply in the eye, and say it. “I believe you”. Say it until you do believe you. The results will be worth it. Believe me.
You've got a great team of mentors who have helped you get this far, there's no way they could be holding you back, is there?
If you have ever taken lessons in a sport, or music, or some other area of your life where you did really well and it seemed to come naturally, you may have also experienced a time when you had to move on to a different teacher, at a higher level. You can have a certain need for support and interaction, and someone can be exactly the right teacher or confidante for that time and place. But as you grow, your needs may change. The good teacher will recognize this, and encourage you to move on. Someone who wants you to stay at the same level, may have their own challenges to work on – and you will need to work on gaining the wisdom to know the difference. This is your job to manage.
As you become faster, fitter, stronger, or whatever goal you have set for yourself, you also need to be looking for those around you who will help you keep up the challenge. At the gym, when the set of weights become easy to lift, experts at fitness know that it’s time to try something heavier or harder. The same is true with your career. Otherwise you are possibly just playing it safe, and coasting. You don’t have to be constantly dissatisfied with your progress, that’s not the point. It’s that by pushing to the next stage, you will begin to build your confidence in just how far you have come - and how far you can go in the future. People who have lost significant amounts of weight say things like, “I can’t believe how much I used to eat”, or “Wow, I would never drink so much on the weekends now, it seems so unhealthy”. Each new challenge is an opportunity for you to build your confidence, and knowing when or whether you need a new teacher is also part of your growth.
If you feel like you're not progressing, it may be time to look for the next teacher to appear. If you believe you're ready, you are.
Megann and Steve, Partners in PANOPTIKA, are working for our clients every day to help they need to know to make better decisions in their complex business environment.
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